JohnnyPltDvc: So you changed your team name again this year?
AwesomeSolver1: Yup. Now we're The Team Your Team Could Smell Like.
JohnnyPltDvc: You didn't like being The Internet?
AwesomeSolver1: Well, it was fine for a year, but it's time for a change. After all, it's fun to call ourselves The Internet when we answer the phone, but it's not really a name that strikes fear into the heart of our enemies.
The_Internet: EXCUSE ME??
AwesomeSolver1: I'm sorry, who are you?
The_Internet: READ THE SCREEN NAME, LOSER. IT'S THE INTERNET.
AwesomeSolver1: Wait, do I know you from Mystery Hunt?
The_Internet: HELL NO. IT'S THE ACTUAL INTERNET. I GIVE YOU THE POWER TO IM YOUR BUDDIES, I LET YOU GET YOUR MAIL IN SECONDS, I HELP THE MYSTERY HUNT EXPAND FROM ONE SHEET OF PAPER TO HUNDREDS OF PUZZLES, AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?
AwesomeSolver1: Don't take it personally. We change our team name every year.
The_Internet: I'M SICK OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED. I'VE SINGLE-HANDEDLY CHANGED THE WAY HUMAN BEINGS ALL OVER THE WORLD INTERACT, AND ALL THE CREDIT GETS SPLIT BETWEEN AL GORE AND MARK ZUCKERBERG.
AwesomeSolver1: Well, I'm sorry you're offended, but the campaign to improve your global image does not start with our Hunt team name.
The_Internet: WELL, THANKS A LOT. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR STUPID PUZZLE HUNT. YOU GUYS ARE JUST...
AwesomeSolver1: Uh, what? What do those links mean?
The_Internet: FIGURE IT OUT, JACKASS.
Welcome to my 2011 Mini-Hunt! (a.k.a. Puzzle Suite, Extravaganza, or whatever you'd like to call it.)
Your goal is to finish the Internet's sentence in the chat session above. In order to do so, you will need to solve the puzzles linked at the end of the session.
Thanks to Jackie Anderson, Mark Gottlieb, Julia Newmiller, Mike Selinker, and Mike Sylvia for testing the puzzles and providing valuable feedback, and thanks as well to Erin Rhode and Steve Peters for providing code for the answer submission. Also, in the spirit of supporting fellow authors of online puzzle suites, I'd like to plug Foggy Brume's bimonthly P&A Magazine, Mark Halpin's yearly Labor Day Extravaganzas, and Patrick Blindauer's Crossword Puzzlefests, all of which I have found thoroughly entertaining.
If you enjoy these puzzles, and you'd like to contribute to my tip jar, you can do so via PayPal by clicking the "Donate" button below. I spend many hours constructing a mini-hunt each year, and it's getting harder to do so as my actual job becomes more time-consuming. If you think the end result is worth a few bucks, and you're feeling generous, I'd be very grateful for any contributions. Thanks!